Watching my boys fling each other against the wall for the fiftieth time today, I am starting to think that being a two year old twin boy is a pretty stressful experience. Not to mention dangerous and potentially life-threatening, as clumps of hair go flying and heads develop nasty-shaped bumps. Our boys are fickle and feisty: best friends one minute; biting eat other (and/or their sister) the next. Although they’re identical, as those of us with identical twins know, the personalities are completely different. Ashar likes to be the centre of attention (look at me, look at me!), whereas Rohan hangs back.
A recent program on SBS about identical twins highlighted some of the issues our children face. One set of sisters in particular were so close that they each felt like half a person. They seemed unable to function individually. Another set of boys complained that their parents always dressed them the same; a set of girls said they had to consciously differentiate themselves when they went to high school.
It really made us question again what sort of twin upbringing we want for our boys. Already I baulk at buying doubles of anything, even when you can buy two pairs of jeans for $12 at BigW (that was stupid of me!). But besides appearances, we have also been thinking about the time we spend with the boys. They are developing at different rates, and are both a long way behind their sister at the same age. Everyone says it’s the boy-thing, coupled with being twins. Twins boys can be up to nine months behind single girls when it comes to language, according to some research I read somewhere. So we want to spend more time with them, ideally, more one-on-one time.
The result of all this soul-searching? We have started to send our boys along to childcare on separate days. Ashar goes off with Daddy on Mondays to the child-care centre at Jim’s work, and Rohan goes on Thursdays. Both go to Family Day Care together on Tuesdays, which gives me some child-free headspace as my older daughter is at kinder(garten) then too. The dynamics are quite different on the days when it’s just Mummy, Rose and one boy. The house is quieter, more relaxed. We can do puzzles, read stories and all the other things that other parents can do when they only have one child at a time, not two!
Michaela Patel is mum to Rose, aged 4 and a half, and identical boys Rohan and Ashar, aged 2. In a previous life, she worked in science communication and education, and is starting to dream about life beyond nappies and playdough. She lives in Melbourne, Australia.
