| Helping Siblings Cope with the Birth of Multiples | |
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by Suzie Chafin
Hooray! You're the proud new parents of infant multiples. If you have older children at home, welcoming these new bundles of joy into the family can be a tricky situation. How do you balance the demanding needs of multiple newborns, as well as the existing needs of their older siblings? Often the older children feel displaced as the attention of parents -- and visitors -- is focused on the newborns.
Here are some tips to help you in these transition months.
Prepare a Special Surprise
Invariably the multiples will receive a barrage of gifts from family and friends who have eagerly anticipated their arrival. Many visitors are wonderful about remembering the older siblings during this time, but there will be some who will not. Should your older children begin to feel resentful at the amount of attention the newborns are generating and the sheer number of gifts they are receiving, it is helpful to have a few small items wrapped for moments when they are feeling low. Your older children will appreciate being remembered during this time.
Encourage Visitors to Notice Older Siblings
When the visitors descend, they will have a million questions about the multiples. This often leaves the older sibling sitting on the sideline wondering if anyone ever notices him. Include the older sibling by telling the visitors about the newest things Johnny is mastering or enjoys doing. Try to talk about the siblings outside their relationship to the multiples -- in other words don't exclusively talk about how "Johnny is such a good big brother", or how "Elizabeth is such a good helper for Mommy."
Remember the older siblings as individuals and compliment them on their own individuality, such as " Johnny is really good at soccer now - you should see how he kicks that ball", or "Elizabeth has been painting some beautiful pictures, can we show you some?" Your child wants to be noticed outside their relationship to their multiple siblings.
Make One-on-One Time a Priority
Older siblings are not used to having to share parental attention. As much as possible, devote time in your day to the older siblings. When the babies are sleeping, play a board game or read a chapter in a book. If someone offers to help with the babies, use the time to take your children out for ice cream or another special treat. Where feasible, maintain special routines such as a bedtime story.
Praise Your Children
During the first few months, parents will feel emotionally and physically drained. In the middle of your fatigue, remember to praise your child. Tell her how much you love her. Help her feel like she is not forgotten in the middle of all the new changes. Emphasize that the babies will grow and they won't always require the attention they require today.
Suzie Chafin is a Dallas, Texas mom of four children, including identical twin boys. She writes and lectures about family topics such as postpartum depression, managing multiples and Christian parenting. She can be reached at suzie@novocoat.com.
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