Finally, We Can Outgrow the Baby Books
The topics of multiple pregnancy and surviving the first year are pretty well covered, but support for parents of older twins is harder to come by. Other parenting books may address the issues of starting school, puberty, sibling rivalry and family dynamics, but in many cases, these issues are compounded with twins and multiples. Not only are parents of multiples challenged to raise two or more same-age siblings, they also have to contend with the constant presence of an additional element - the relationship between their multiples. Their child's status as a co-twin or co-multiples shadows eery aspect of their being. No matter how many times a parent of singletons tries to comiserate or compare their parenting issues, it's simply different for parents of multiples, and it's nice to finally have a book written exclusively for them.We Know Where You're Coming From
The author is a mother of twins herself, so she writes from an empathetic perspective. She also interviewed dozens of families of twins and multiples and includes their comments in sidebar elements; there's one on nearly every page. These add a touch of reality and really makes the book ring true for parents of multiples.Tinglof nails the twin relationship in an anecdote describing two twins who competed against each other in a race. "I've won! I've won!" yelled one twin as he crossed the finish line. He hadn't won the race -- he finished fifth out of sixth -- but he'd finished ahead of his twin. Many parents will relate to this twisted sense of competitiveness in their twins, who are constantly viewed in relation to each other rather than for their own characteristics.
Practical Problem Solvers
Each chapter concludes with a take-away script for parents to utilize. The "What Parents Can Do" section offers tips like, "If you have a passive or dependent twin, encourage him to find a nurturing relationship outside of the twinship -- a younger neighbor, for instance, or a new kid in school who could use the gentle guidance of a a friend."The chapter on education particuarly offers some good advice for parents who are facing a decision about classroom placement for their twins or multiples. Should their twins be in the same classroom or be separated, perhaps for the first time in their lives? What if the school objects to your requests?
The advice doesn't stop once twins start school, however, as there is good information, supported by research, for parents of twins who may have different learning styles or abilities.
More to Say
While this book is a great general overview, it could have been twice as long and still not covered all the pecularities of parenting multiples. There is so much more to say on this topic -- so many "it's a twin thing" moments that only parents of twins can understand and appreciate.
