Keith Snyder is a mystery novelist/composer/filmmaker, the father of twin boys, and the moderator of the Multi-Dad message boards. His blog is at found at http://www.journalscape.com/keithsnyder. Here are some things he's learned since becoming a father of twins.
Around Town
- When men venture outside with our offspring, without Mommy, they're conspicuous. Women will ask odd questions in warm tones. They're not sure what kind of animal you are, but they think they might like you.
- When men travel with one baby, without Mommy, we're way conspicuous. Women will ask odd questions in puzzled tones. They're not sure you're not a kidnapper.
- Babies are indeed chick magnets, but the chicks are mostly under 16 or over 60.
- Of all the accomplishments of fatherhood, this may be the one I'm proudest of: Yes. It is possible to use a public urinal while wearing a Baby Bjorn. Lean way back so Junior can't play with the shiny flush handle, and keep his feet to the sides along with your shirttails. You're operating on sonar here--trust those years of well-honed aiming instincts. Do it right, and you'll get a grin out of every guy in the joint.
Things People Say
- Other men will make all kinds of dire predictions about your marriage and your sex life. Judging from the sameness of the comments, these predictions are apparently true for many--but they're not holy writ. They are not true for us.
- Women will tell your wife she's on her own. You're not going to help. You're going to abandon her. Everything's going to be "on her." The sole way to combat this is to prove the idiotic clucking wrong. You're a man. You take care of yours.
- Mothers of singletons will also give your wife thoughtless advice like "Sleep when the baby sleeps." Really? Which one?
- The breastfeeding Nazis will target your wife. Women who don't know anything about twins will give her breastfeeding advice. Here's my previous rant on the subject.
- Strangers will ask if you "had help." This means they want to know whether you took fertility drugs. If you mind this, know it's coming and have a comeback ready.
- People with three children will tell you you've got it easy. As far as I'm concerned, this kind of moronic comment deserves any semisharp retort your sleep-deprived mind comes up with. Or, as above, have a comeback ready to go. Get it ready now; you're not going to become mentally sharper any time soon.
- People with two children of different ages will tell you you've got it easy, because you don't have to keep one from hurting the other. See "moronic comment," above.
- People without children will say (to other people without children), "See? Two can be as easy as one!" See "moronic comment," above.
- People who mean well will tell you to enjoy your children and have fun with them. This is not a moronic comment, but it's useless with twins until they start sleeping regularly--not necessarily through the night, but at least predictably. Until then, it's an assembly line, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Traveling with Twins
- Yes, you really may be able to travel with them. Ours have now been on 10 airplanes between them. At 2 months old, they conked out and slept most of the time. At 5 months, there was still a lot of napping, with one annoying flight during which our little extrovert expressed himself freely. It was mostly whining and discomfort, I think. There has been no endless screaming on any flight. Added 7/27/05: Two 7-month-olds on a cross-country flight is possibly not the world's greatest idea.
- Some babies do not suffer during takeoff and landing. Ours couldn't care less.
- While traveling, the number of women who try to determine whether you're a kidnapper or ask whether you now respect women will be approximately equal to the number who tell you you're a good father. Listen to the second group. Ignore or insult the first group.
- Airplanes are pressurized. Be careful depressing the nipple on an airplane, as it can pop all the way down into the bottle, which will then throw formula up into the air and down onto your jeans, your seat, the baby, and the in-flight magazine in the pouch on the seat in front of you. Not that this ever happened to me, on a flight from San Francisco to Cleveland.
- Double ziplock bags around bottles during air travel.
- We split ours up for a week, at 5 months. (I had to take a trip, and I couldn't leave my wife alone with two 5-month-olds.) It went fine. I took the one we thought could do without Mommy, as he's no longer breast-feeding. Here's my post on the subject. They both did perfectly fine--better than usual, in some ways, because each had a parent's undivided attention. When my little charge wanted something, I could get it for him! This was kind of amazing.
Read more tips for dads: travel and transport, balancing work, feeding time, and life with babies.
