Okay, dude. I know you're there. You just googled some variant of "fathers of twins" and this was one of the only worthwhile results you got, so you clicked over. (It's kind of amazing, how little there is on the web for fathers of multiples. Lots of stuff for mothers--depression advice and so on--but dads get footnotes, at best.) If your twins are older than 5 months and 1 week, you don't need advice from me. I need advice from you. If you've got newborns or you're still expecting, you may be the guy I'm talking to. If you intend to do half the child-rearing work and hold down a job, and it's just you and your wife, you're definitely the guy I'm talking to. Here's what I've learned so far:
- There aren't that many of us around.
- Little suits that snap up the back are evil. Hide or destroy them. You will not be able to figure them out in your 15th week of sleep deprivation. Buy front-snaps only. It doesn't matter how cute they are. Except for the Pooh outfit. You can keep that one, but only for special occasions.
- There's nothing wrong with duct tape.
- Get help. Have people visit. One approach is to make it clear to them that they are there to take care of you, not the babies. Another is to give them baby duties. Whichever you do, make it as clear as if you were talking to employees.
- Put Velcro tape under the baby wipe box.
- Bouncy chairs. Get two. Rock one with your foot while you hold the other baby. They're also for feeding two babies at a time. Insert babies into bouncers, insert bottles into babies.
Sleep and the Lack Thereof
- The sleep deprivation will be worse than anything you can imagine. I once went 96 hours straight on a film project. Thought it was pretty macho. That was nothing. This kind of sleep deprivation tilts all the way over into mental illness. You will say things you don't usually say, see things in ways you don't usually see them, and probably piss some people off. It's okay. When you start sleeping again, it'll gradually get better. It will. It really will.
- It gets easier. It does. I promise. For us, it started to ease around 4-1/2 months. As of today, we can count on both babies sleeping from 9 until midnight, eating, and then sleeping from 12:30 AM until 3:30 AM. That's 6 hours. If you're still expecting, 6 hours in 3-hour blocks sounds like torture. If you've got 1-month-olds, just hang on to this thought: In a few months, you'll get 6 hours of sleep.
- That doesn't mean we're chipper and perky. We're exhausted. We're just not that kind of exhausted.
- You can put two babies to sleep by jiggling them in one bassinette, but it takes a while as they keep waking each other up.
Read more tips for dads: travel and transport, balancing work, feeding time, and life with babies.
Keith Snyder is a mystery novelist/composer/filmmaker, the father of twin boys, and the moderator of the Multi-Dad message boards. His blog is at found at http://www.journalscape.com/keithsnyder.
