Unless there is a compelling reason to separate them, the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs ( NOMOTC) and other experts advocate keeping them together, especially in early elementary years. There are hundreds of small reasons why staying together is a benefit, and one very significant factor: the unique and special relationship that multiples share with each other.
The Bond
The bond between multiples is powerful. Parents of multiples can observe it and appreciate it, but unless they themselves are also multiples, they can't fully understand it. To a child who has never known a moment of life without his co-multiple -- even before life actually began -- a forced separation can be severely traumatic.
Nonmultiples can perhaps relate the experience to a relationship with a spouse. Certainly, you could face the challenges of day-to-day life without the presence of your beloved, but doesn't it make it easier and more enjoyable when you're together? Thus it is with multiples in the school environment. Proponents of separation argue that having multiples together in the classroom is a distraction; however it can be just as distracting to sever the bond. Children who are wondering "What's my twin doing? Where is she? Why aren't we together? Were we separated because we were bad?" can't favorably focus on their school work.
Twin Services, a non profit resource and consulting service for families with multiples, explains it this way. "Twins and triplets just starting school usually benefit from the social support they give each other when they are in the same room. They seem to find it easy to engage in different activities when they have the option of being together. When they are forced to separate into different classrooms, they get the message that there is something wrong about being a twin or a triplet. They may suffer emotional stress from worry about their absent co-twin(s) and find it difficult or impossible to do their school work."
Starting school in kindergarten or first grade can be a very anxious experience for some children. The new environment, with unfamiliar faces, rules, schedules, and academic demands can be overwhelming. Young multiples simply may not be able to make the transition to the school routine without the comfort of their co-twin. Some say that forcing them to do so is discriminatory, that being a multiple is an inherent condition of birth like race or gender. Others claim that it is like denying a diabetic child access to insulin. At any rate, in situations where it is obvious that separating multiples would generate genuine distress for the children, keeping them together is certainly warranted. Forcing them to separate can have ramifications for the future too. An unpleasant early school experience sets the stage for future academic and social problems.
Many people view the bond between multiples as unhealthy -- a dependency, a limitation that excludes outside relationships, a suffocation of individuality, a font of jealousy and rivalry. However, most multiples, and their parents, recognize it as a wonderful gift. Every twinship, like every child, is unique and has to be evaluated as such.
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