Are They Natural?
Friday January 25, 2008
It's one of those questions that make parents of multiples cringe. It can come out of nowhere, from a curious stranger in the mall, from a workplace acquaintance from years past, from a neighbor. Sooner or later, most parents of multiples will have to face an inquiry about the origin of their children, and it can be an uncomfortable exchange. How do you answer the question? Are they natural?
• What do you think? Have you ever been asked this (or a similar) question? Share your thoughts by clicking on comments.
• More stupid questions people ask about twins and multiples.
• Read this blog entry for one mom's insight.
• What do you think? Have you ever been asked this (or a similar) question? Share your thoughts by clicking on comments.
• More stupid questions people ask about twins and multiples.
• Read this blog entry for one mom's insight.
Comments
If we don’t know them we say yes they are, if it is someone we do know, we say with a little help, yes they are!
It is understandable that people are curious. There are so many twins and multiples and most of the news stories and reality tv shows involve fertility treatment.
Rather than be insulted, just answer truthfully. Afterall, all kids are natural. My boys are mz, so I always respond “they are spontaneous twins”. Share only what you are comfortable with sharing.
I had my twins at age 49. I was deluded by the press (such as People Magazine) into thinking all older mothers could just have children. I tell complete strangers that they were conceived using in vitro. I like giving credit to modern medicine that I was able to have children at an advanced age.
I was very surprised to find out I was having identical girls and when I get asked the question, usually disguised as “Do twins run in your family?”, with “No, twins don’t run in my family so I was really shocked to find out I was having twins.” I usually follow-up with the fact that it is usually only fraternal twins that can be inherited.
When I get asked “If their natural”, I always tell people, “no we did in vitro”, and if they still bother me and I want to shut them up, I tell them “I was pregnate with quads and we reduced.” End of stupids questions.
Most of the time I’m pretty honest-I guess when mine are a little older, though, and can comprehend what we’re talking about, I’ll start to watch what I say.
My girls are three, and no one has ever asked me this question. The only thing that is ever asked is “Do they run in either of your families.” The answer is no and depending on the person, I might add and they were unplanned to begin with, so imagine my surprise! My daughters Madeline and Olivia are fraternal, and look quite a bit different. The only question that has annoyed me, only slightly, is “Are they identical?”
If one really thinks about it, asking questions as to conception is intrusive and while one does not want to be offensive in return, it is no one’s business, and the question does not need to be answered beyond a mere smile. My biggest concern is that in our endeavour to be polite, we may in fact end up causing unnecessary emotional trauma and confusion for a child who mistakenly overhears the conversation. Through the nature of my work, I have a number of dealings with women who undergo assisted conception and it is clear to me that the determination of life is not left in the hands of the fertility specialist but is a gift from God. If the fertility specialist was the main determinant, then there would be a execeptionally large number of children walking around who were the products of IVF etc We know this is not the case and that the success rates of the various reproductive technologies are very low.
Tracey-leigh
I agree and diagree with what Tracey-leigh wrote. Yes it is essentially up to God wheather or not a woman conceives and has a child, but you can not deny the fact that without the help of infertiliy specialists, their would be many childless couples. The success rates for reproductive technologies are not as low as you seem to think, otherwise how would you explain the abundance of higher order mutiplies? Higher order mutiplies conceived naturally are very rare. So I feel that the success rate for reproductive technologies are on the high side. When I went through IVF, I was given a 20-30% chance of twins and I ended up with quads. There is no way of knowing how many sets of twins came from higher order multplies due to reductions. Yes I believe in God and I believe that if I was willing to have the help and knowledge of infertility specialists, I was willing to take their advice and reduce my pregnancy. For I am thankful everyday to God for my very healthy, normal 10 yr. old twin boys. Also, you are correct, it is nobody’s business how they were conceived, but if people are gonna be nosey, I’ll give an earful.
It doesn’t bother me. If they ask I tell them yes they are “natural”. I have two sets so that always throws everyone off. The only question that bothers me is “are they ALL yours?” Um yeah! (i have 5 kids - 1 singleton and two sets of twins).
The first time someone asked if I had my 4 month old daughters “naturally” I answered, “No, I had them via c-section”, only to find that wasn’t what was being asked. Now when asked, I politely inform whomever is asking that yes, they were naturally conceived. It is human to be curious, and although it may come off as being intrusive, I don’t think people are trying to be malicious in asking.
People always ask -
“Are those twins?”
No I just hyjacked someone elses baby or bought a twin stroller for the fun of it!
Then of course
“Do twins run in your family” Well yes my hubby is a twin, but his MOM released two eggs, I don’t think she passed this on to me!!!
My favorite was the LVN at the fertility clinic who asked “wow, do twins run in your family”
HELLO, where am I!!!!!
One more stupid question.
Now alot of people ask who was first and how far apart. So one woman asked how far apart and I replied 30mins. She looked confused as many people do since the here a min or 2 for c-section babies. I thought this was the reason, but she ACTUALLY thought the were months apart!!! Yes, I held one in for an extra month cause I like being pregnant!!!! All this confusion over 1 lb difference and one with all the hair!
I have boy/girl twins, now 3 yrs old. I usually answer in one of 2 ways depending if I get the sense that they are religous or not.”Oh yeah, `Mother nature has a good sense of humor!” or”Be careful what you ask God, you just might get it!” My favorite ’stupid question’ is “Are they identical?” (my daughter is a redhead, my son a blond) whereby I say ‘only from the waist up!
I have fraternal twin girls age 20 now. Their father’s answer to “Are they twins?” was “No, they just happened to be born at the same time and on the same day” Duh!! My answer to “Are they identical” was “They just happened to look alot alike.”
NO they are plastic.
I have 1 year old triplet daughters - and am asked this QUESTIONS all the time - quite often by strangers who have barely said hello to me. I think this is one of the rudest question to ask a mother - although I don’t think those who ask it are intending to be rude. However, it is like asking a woman: Do your ovaries work okay? Is your uterus healthy? Does your husband have any sperm? The answers to any of the questions is absolutely NOBODY’S business. If a mother wants to share that information - that is up to her to decide to whom and when. My answer usually starts with “Why do you ask?” At which point they realize it’s none of their business. Or I say “How could a child be unnatural?” I have also said to some rude salespeople who have asked - “Wow - that’s a really personal question!”
I am never offended because I think people don’t mean any harm, most are just curious. I used to wonder the same thing (but didn’t ask) about other multiples. I am always excited to tell my story because we conceived our triplets without any help…we actually didn’t even know we were going to have triplets until three weeks before they were born!
I am a twin, and when I was being pushed around in a stroller, my dad was asked if I was conceived naturally.
My dad’s answer? That I was concieved using a certain sexual position.